She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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