mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
