Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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