"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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