I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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