I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
