Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
