omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
my poor anus
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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