My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
