Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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