Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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