I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
