I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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