Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
