he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
