It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
