dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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