I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
