dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize