I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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