If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
