from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize