i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
