you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's shark week go big or go home
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
