Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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