the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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