love makes seman taste better
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Houston, we have a squirter
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
