You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want her autograph on my taint
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
