On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
