So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
