You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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