oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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