I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
