Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We named our party play list daddy issues
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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