You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
