i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
