Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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