Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
