Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
