I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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