is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
