We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
