Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
