Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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