First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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