Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
