I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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