i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
