hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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