If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
