i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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