I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
