Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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