addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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