but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
