yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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