Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
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One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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