There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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