I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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