that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
