3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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