we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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