Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
