why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
