True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
