New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
