Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
