Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
50% drunk capacity currently
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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