Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Apparently you make a good broom.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
