I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
