If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
