Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
