Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
